Things a girl needs to understand about moving in with a boy

There are fundamentals that girls need to know before they decide to co-habit with most boys. Ideally they should share a mixed sex flat. This will allow a girl to get an objective understanding before taking the plunge. This will allow them to see the true habits of boys when they feel they are the alpha males in a house.

The primary issue is that boys struggle with personal hygiene issues. They particularly struggle to understand why toilet seats should be lowered after use, why it's rude to dribble all over the rim and not clean it up and they show little concern when the occasional drop or seven hits the bathroom floor. This is a very nasty habit, especially when the bathroom floor is carpeted.

Boys also think that clean washing is any article of clothing worn for less than three hours. This includes underpants they put on after sex in order to go to the loo to avoid frightening their flat mates. They'll happily pick them up off the floor in the morning and wear them to work.

These "clean" items do not need to be taken neatly folded from a standard storage space, such as a chest of drawers or a cupboard shelf. No, for a boy items of clothing can come straight from the washing line or the pile of clothes you've left lying around for the last week in the vain hope that your boy might just figure out he should fold them up and put them away.

Items left on the floor for up to one month are considered clean if they pass the three hour usage test. At some point, particularly in the case of jeans, items of clothing will appear close to the dirty laundry basket. It is important to establish at this time if the clothes are in fact ready to wash because being too keen to get the clothes washed leads to disputes about the environmental impact of using the washing machine too hastily.

Items are considered used if they are work clothes that were worn all day. These are normally lobbed in the broad direction of the dirty laundry basket. Causal shirts are considered used if they are worn twice over the weekend. These are usually left on the floor to indicate that they are not yet ready to wash.

Sporting apparel is a different matter. Summer is normally ok as washing occurs on a regular basis. In the winter, socks, shorts and jumpers are considered usable for up to four weeks. Normally these items are left in a bag that lies unopened in the corner of the room during the week. If the boy is particularly fussy, sporting clothes will see the inside of a washing machine once a month. Like a good French cheese, sports gear will stink once it reaches its wash-by date. If your room starts to smell like the London Underground, it's time to get that sports bag into the laundry.

Laundry is not considered to be a man's task. Real men don't do this. If you wish to avoid problems with your future man, you need to train him well as soon as you can. Next time we can talk about how to ensure you house standards are maintained.